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Managing Your Tongue
Have you ever said something you regretted? For example, comment about a woman’s pregnancy, like asking "when’s your baby due?", only to find out that she’s not pregnant! Haven’t we all said something that we immediately wished we could take back? Or, haven’t at least some of us said something that we eventually wished we hadn’t said, but then it’s too late to ever take it back? Of course! The problem has been called "the errant tongue." Let’s see what the Bible says about how to better manage our tongues. First, look at what the Bible says are "Sins of the Tongue:"
Proverbs 6:12, 16-19, 25:18
Whoso walketh uprightly shall be saved [shall be safe]: but he that is perverse in his ways [who willfully goes in double-dealing and other wrong ways] shall fall at once [in one of his perverse ways].
Lying is a sin of the tongue. Double talking – saying one thing to one person, and the opposite to another – is a sin. A mind that thinks of lies to say, a heart that manufactures lies to keep out, or to get out, of trouble is hated by God. And don’t be a "contrarian" – someone who says or takes the opposite position from everyone else just for the fun of spreading mischief. That’s not right. In fact, it is an abomination unto the Lord. But, don’t misunderstand – it’s OK to speak your mind, to express your conscience, to say what is right or to call a wrong a wrong, if you are doing so not to spread mischief or evil, but to stop a wrong, or to correct or reproof someone who is in error, or to share God’s wisdom.
Proverbs 11:13, 18:6-8
Gossip is a sin. A gossip goes around telling secrets, spreading rumors, telling lies. Young’s Literal Translation of verse 11:13 is "A busybody is revealing secret counsel, and the faithful of spirit is covering the matter." Don’t be a gossip, a talebearer, a busybody, a fool. If someone tells you something in confidence, keep the secret! Proverbs 8:13 The fear [reverence and worshipful awe] of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth [perverted and twisted speech], do I hate [have hated].
Just as we must not curse by using God’s name in vain, the reverent fear and worshipful awe of the Lord Jehovah includes the hatred of evil, perverted, twisted, or lying speech. That is an evil way of living which God just hates.
Proverbs 26:28, 28:23
Flattery. Saying what is untrue and deceitful just to gain the good favor of others, or to stand in their good graces. It’s a form of lying to get something to which you are not rightfully entitled. Do we need to control these sins of the tongue? Well, Proverbs 6:28 says "Can one go upon hot coals and his feet not be burned?" Yes, of course we must control our tongues. So, how do we control these sins? How do we better "manage" our tongues? First, an obvious answer, is just to talk less. If you’re not talking – you can’t say something that you’ll regret. But just keeping silent – or the "silent treatment" – doesn’t work in all situations. It isn’t right in all circumstances. Sometimes you just have to say something, sometimes you know that you should say something, and sometimes you are called to say something. So, how do we better do this?
Proverbs 18:2, 13
Fools have no desire to learn; they would much rather give their own opinion. Don’t be a fool. Listen to others. As you first do that, listen to what they are saying, not what you think they are saying. Don’t assume you know what they mean, ask follow up questions if you need to, if you’re unsure of what they mean. How? Rephrase what they just told you in your own words. That’s how you can make sure you correctly understand what was said. Second, control your angry responses. Third, do this consistently. And do it now. "Defer not ‘till tomorrow to be wise, tomorrow’s sun to thee may never rise." Some angry responses cannot be taken back, and you don’t want the guilt of that to reside within you for the rest of your life.
Proverbs 13:3, 15:28 He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction. ... 15:28 The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.
In other words, "Keep what you know to yourself, and you will be safe; talk too much, and you are done for." And "Good people think before they answer, but the wicked speak evil without ever thinking." Curb you impulses. Think before you speak. Literally, count to 10 if you have to, but just get your impulsiveness or anger under control before you even try to compose your answer or your response. Remember, if we speak in haste, we may repent at leisure.
Proverbs 10:32, 15:7, 25:11 The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh frowardness [perverse lies or contrary, wayward words]. ... 15:7 The lips of the wise disperse knowledge: but the heart of the foolish doeth not so. ... 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
If you obey the Lord, you will always know the right thing to say. But no one will trust you if you tell lies. Words of wisdom make good sense; the thoughts of a fool make no sense at all. The right word at the right time is like precious gold set in silver. Consider the consequences of what you will say – before you say it. Let it not be said that "your wit shines at the expense of your memory." Take the time necessary to think your response through first, and talk later. Wait and let God tell you what to say. Make sure you speak no lies. Remember, it is not quantity of words that count, but quality!
Proverbs 10:19, 11:12, 17:27, 21:23 In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise. ... 11:12 He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace. ... 17:27 He that hath knowledge spareth his words: and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit. ... 21:23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.
You will eventually say the wrong thing if you talk too much -- so be sensible and watch what you say. It's unwise, the Bible literally says just "stupid," to say bad things about your neighbors. If you are sensible, you will keep quiet. It makes a lot of sense to be a person of few words and to stay calm. Watching what you say can and will save you a lot of trouble.
Proverbs 15:1, 16:24, 25:15 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. ... 16:24 Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. ... 25:15 By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.
Patience and gentle talk can convince a fair ruler and overcome any problem. As you talk, speak with a peaceful spirit. And don’t respond until you can speak with a peaceful spirit. So, how can we put these Bible lessons into good practice in our own lives? Well, what positive words do your family and your co-workers need to hear from your mouth this week? What do you need to do to remove from your speech habits – now, this week – to make your words more pleasing to God? And which of these sins do you wish others will help keep you accountable for what you have learned today?
James 3:3-10 Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. 4 Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. 5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. 7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: 8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude [likeness] of God. 10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.
If you can control your tongue, you are mature and able to control your whole body. By putting a bit into the mouth of a horse, we can turn the horse in different directions. It takes strong winds to move a large sailing ship, but the captain uses only a small rudder to make it go in any direction. Our tongues are small too, and yet they brag about big things. It takes only a spark to start a forest fire! The tongue is like a spark. It can be an evil power that dirties the rest of the body and sets a person's entire life on fire, with flames that come from hell itself. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures can be tamed, and have been tamed. But our tongues get out of control. In some folks they are restless and evil, always spreading deadly poison. A Tibetan proverb says "If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid a hundred days of sorrow." So the next time you feel "Monster Mom" or "Dangerous Dad" ready to strike, consider these tips:
With our tongues we speak both praises and curses. We praise our Lord and Father, and we curse people who were created to be like God. This isn't right. So pray and concentrate on asking God to help you allow the Spirit’s fruit of self control to be more active in your life. Amen! |
